thursday feb. 27 2020
i am still.
the storm has passed
the clouds hold no more rain
the skies are have exhausted their supply
of thunder and lightening and wind
i am still.
beneath this newfound shelter
i rest the body
i rest the mind
with no threat of being shaken
an undisturbed sleep
yet i am still
wanting more…
i anticipate my next move
stillness can never hold me very long
because i still always want more
i long for stillness as refuge
but scarce are the moments that i lay in her arms
before i crave the storm once again
i am the storm.
and i am the stillness.
the stillness in the center.
and the stillness beyond the edges
and i am the violence in the midsts
i can learn to dance in the eye of the storm
and that is the most exciting
that is how i want to live and experience
i don’t want to live in fear
an endless plight
attempting to run away from the tempest
because it will always follow me
as though we’re magnetic
i cannot escape it’s power and passion
it wants me
i want to surrender to it’s might
and fight my way to the center
so i can sit there
and be the master
directing its path
observing its destruction
and nourishment of the land
i create it.
friday march 6 2020
wow.
it is so incredibly humbling and assuring
knowing that even in the face of such adversity
love is still there
love is still full
it actually seems as though
love is fuller
when i am scared
because when im confident
its as though i don’t need her
i still crave her
but she seems harder to access
because im so focused on things outside of love to fill me
i get so caught up in how i will be in love in my future
and so neglect the love that is true.
the love that is right here right now
the love that is actually what i seek
and so i am incredibly grateful
for these situations that i could view as an attack
for actually showing me that i need nothing
nothing but love.
no matter how harsh or grueling my circumstances
i am still making enough to support my life here
even if it feels tight
IT IS ENOUGH FOR NOW <3
and i am so grateful to always have enough
i want life to attack me
to break me open
to show me that nothing outside of myself can fill me
thank you.
i am thankful for where i am now.
and i take that gratitude and use it as fuel to work toward the betterment of my circumstances
because i love myself and i love life and i am happy regardless. i am unshakable.
so.. from that firm foundation i rise
for i see the power that i am.
illusory or not.
and believing is seeing.
so i will stand my ground.
and push for my own efficacy.
WITH LOVE.
not force.
not entitlement.
simply because i am being true.
and honest.
<3
and i am doing these things simply because it is the person i am.
tuesday march 10 2020
i can do hard things.
i can do hard things.
i can do hard things.
i can do hard things.
i can do hard things.
i can do hard things.
i can do hard things.
my energy is infinite.
my energy is infinite.
my energy is infinite.
my energy is infinite.
my energy is infinite.
my energy is infinite.
my energy is infinite.
i do it because i want it more than anything.
i do it because i want it more than anything.
i do it because i want it more than anything.
i do it because i want it more than anything.
i do it because i want it more than anything.
i do it because i want it more than anything.
i do it because i want it more than anything.
wednesday march 11 2020
as i took a freezing cold shower this morning
from behind the clenched teeth and tense muscles
a voice said “damn you need to learn to love your mind”
and yeah the voice is so right
once i learned to love the person “kat”
it’s as if i shifted the blame away from the body and concept of "me" ...and to the mind and external
though not consciously...
and okay, its not like i don’t love my mind and circumstances but i view them as very threatening
there’s a lot of resistance.
im suffocating my sensitivity
thursday march 12 2020
what is happening?
the thing is, it just is happening
but im responding not well
why is this?
im not being chill about stuff
im being rigid not fluid
i want to flow
release
relax
soften
breathe
fully deeply slowly
there is not rush
i want to be here now
and to do that i cant try to go anywhere else
friday march 13 2020
nothing is important but here and now
diving deeper into the depth of this moment
ive lost the art
the subtly
that which makes life so beautiful and wonderful
...
ram ram.
kat
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