“the six samurai have devoted their lives in an effort to one day pass through the gate. but they cannot do it alone. they need a hand to guide them; to show them the gate. you are the hand.”
“can I go through the gate as well?”
“you are the gate.”
...
I have not had the pull to write for a few weeks
much swirls in my head
that could be beautifully translated to words
but I haven’t wanted to make the effort to organize it
I have the desire to write to experience words as art and poetry; flowing creative expression.
or when I need to see and explore some concept objectively.
but at this moment. I will write to simply write.
welcome to another stream of thought.
...
every experience is a product of mind. we can experience this more directly through using the body. vipassana meditation.
the inverse is true as well. the mind is a product of experience. this is the constant loop of feedback.
this past weekend I participated in a three-day meditation home practice program by shinzen young. I will share some insights and experiences I had that I can recall.
from my understanding of a particular concept:
there is body and there is mind.
this is not a distinction of a separate brain and the rest of the body
but the mind and the body as the same shape.
the body is what is in any given moment
and the mind is the activity the occurs there
the body is the rupa
and the mind is the namah.
so, for me, when experiencing namah, there are three parts of the experience:
1. “me”
2. “other” or “experience” or “that” (something separate from “me”)
3. the intercessor. the relationship. that which connects “me” to the other thing
for example: I experience a sound. I experience a thought. I experience a pain in my body. I experience my breath. I experience sight.
I experience the namah as the yang, or active process. as the movement and separation.
with rupa, there is only one component. there only is.
everything is completely neutral and static.
as I experience rupa, “I am” the relationship itself. “I am” the intercessor.
I yoke together “me” and “that”
the relationship includes both of the two parts within itself
it is this cyclic movement of feedback
and this feedback doesn’t even include any real information - just more depth.
I am the breath. I am the thought. I am the pain. I am the sound. I am the sight.
this is the yin. the stillness. the consciousness. it understands change, but that somehow change is all relative to stillness.
one cannot exist without the other. what is movement without comparable stillness? change without comparable stability? there is nothing to grasp. but within that nothingness rests all.
…
meditation, yoga or any other kind of spiritual practice
is attractive to many because they see it as self-improvement
this will probably all sound very paradoxical. or confusing. and it is because i myself do not know. I'm just trying to point. and i don't know what I'm pointing at. so as i use words they may be inaccurate or i may confuse certain concepts with those that may be more accurate.
anyways.
the efforts of these practices are not to improve the self
in doing so, there is the likely possibility of simply adding more distraction,
more layers, on top of the self. you are likely to incorporate the practices as identities,
which in fact, limits your freedom.
less freedom, as one may easily surmise, is the antithesis of the aim of these practices.
use the practice as a means, a guide, a space in which to let go – to gain greater freedom through a less solidified self. these practices increase your malleability.
the practice itself is meaningless and empty
it is a space to guide you through whatever fuel, whatever intention you put into it.
spiritual practice is a purification of the self. not an improvement of the self.
you cannot improve the truth of your self.
the essence.
the core.
because it simply is.
you can paint your house a new color
remodel the kitchen
add an addition
or burn it to the ground
but it is still a house
at least on some level.
I wonder at what point is the house no longer a house?
when it no longer functions as a house?
a house with no roof is still a house.
when it no longer is recognizable?
because even if you burn your house to the ground
it would appear to another as a pile of ash
but you know that the ash is actually a house.
I have no idea.
anyways…
use the practice to realize your truth, with greater accuracy
a clean house
a functional house
a house that doesn’t try to be an office building or a church or a grocery store
or a rock or a cloud or a squirrel
although, I suppose a rock is a house to a salamander
and a cloud to water vapor
and organs to a squirrel
and you could relabel a church or building as a house if you lived there
it seems to be the function not the appearance that determines something’s truth
but it is also completely subjective
for the function of a particular object to me could be completely different for you
the truth of some thing is not one thing
according to the perceiver, it will always be different
which is probably why objects aren’t the best metaphor because we must have a relationship with them to experience them as an object, as separate, as “other”
the relationship is what causes the subjective change in perceived truth.
it would seem that it is the relationship that needs purifying
so that we can be directly conscious of
and have a direct experience of any particular thing
whether that be a house
or a self
I suppose, this circles us back to my experience of rupa and namah.
in functioning in the world of mind and form, understanding of separation, and the relationship and perception that intercedes, is critical to be effective on this physical plane. but for transcendence… to reach something beyond… truth… I must be the relationship itself?
it seems that as long as we see through the mind, there will always be separateness, uncertainty, and constant change. this is helpful, but we are living halfway if we limit our human experience to this one modality of seeing things.
but there seems to be a second way to see. through the heart. through pure feeling. direct experience. no barrier. you are the relationship, the connection, the bridge itself. this is the oneness. the neutrality. acceptance. this mode of seeing is what humanity needs to realize. the eyes of the heart are blind. and that is why we suffer.
returning to the practices.
your goal is to be true to your own nature
and perhaps there is some self improvement along the way
but the improvement is never something added
it is always something removed
or transformed
because all that surrounds the self
that we experience as our self concept or identity
is completely made up; it is comprised of stories and confirming biases and perceptions
we can manipulate the layers to look certain ways
but it is the core that dictates more truth to the layers
that way we can function as “being” and “doing” from the inside out, rather than attempting to act from the layers themselves
purifying the core makes all the layers effortlessly pure
this is the life work.
…
yesterday, for the first time, I experienced the notion that I was purposefully sent here.
a deep knowing.
intuition.
this one will awaken fully.
whatever that means.
this one must be that one.
there is no other choice.
fate has already decided.
the path already exists.
I can only follow.
one step at a time.
I was sent here. divinely sent.
I will fulfill my purpose.
I am devoted.
I am sure.
...
12/17/19
sat nam.
ram ram.
- kat
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