the wind whispers through the leaves
reminding me of the grace of stillness' movement
the most remarkable strength and power
that can uproot trees and homes
also pollinates the flowers
and breathes cool air against your skin
and this power seemingly flows out of nothingness
it creates itself
and moves without being seen
except for what it touches
i havent been writing much
when i have, I havent posted
so im going to let my words flow
and post it.
get the momentum going again.
these past two months have been fruitful
i gaze into the past and admire the process
of how life glides her hands patiently over my being
shaping me slowly
like a pot on a wheel
its not all rainbows and butterflies
but something I’ve noticed,
is that the underlying quality to my human experience
used to be this subtle unease
even if i was overwhelming happy
underneath, was this whisper of fear
but now, this underlying quality is peace. it’s love. it’s joy.
under all the negativity i face.
my experience has shifted from force to power.
from fear to love.
i could be having the shittiest day
or be engulfed by some nasty energy from someone else or a situation
or maybe im feeling weak or tired or frustrated or sad
but if i pause, drop the stories for a moment,
it’s now only love underneath.
even if it’s just a whisper.
it’s as though the core of my being has transformed.
such a beautiful shift.
I don’t know when this occurred.
definitely in the past few months.
im not as strong as i could be.
but ive firmly identified my weaknesses.
I wish I could be a brighter light for my parents
but that’s one of my weakest areas.
it’s good with short term exposure, but long term i struggle.
which feels defeating and “wrong” in some way
but im just not strong enough… yet.
I will serve them effectively
when I can do it authentically from love.
for now, i serve from respect and politeness; neutrality.
as for my other weaknesses… i have more control it seems.
or at least, they don’t drain me so noticeably.
but i know as i improve in one domain, the others will be more attainable
it’s all dynamic play.
i’ll continue to improve in all areas, through loving discipline.
so, what i’ve been up to lately…
im maintaining my sight on truth
its excruciatingly difficult at times,
with so much distraction
with so much pain, fear, and frustration swirling around me
but im always seeking clarity
intention in my thoughts and action
each moment a chance to go more deeply into the now
this time in my life is not very dazzling
but it’s important
im making strides in purifying my body, mind, and environment
as i say loosely in almost every yin class i teach,
“we become still to release resistance, realizing space, pure “being”. so we can, with clarity, return to activity, and move into “doing” with efficiency and effectiveness. “
that’s what is occurring during these months.
stillness.
and using this stillness, this space, for self growth.
releasing those layers that were so deeply laiden within me
those pathways of addiction, so often trodden.
i venture into knowing. into certainty.
discovering for myself what is true, although ever-evolving.
even when it uncomfortable to be vulnerable
even when i try to fight against the unfamiliar patterns
even when i fail, i will return stronger.
and i will NEVER give up.
this is how these months in northern virginia serve me.
i am and will know my self fully
learning the patterns
unlearning, relearning, crafting effectiveness.
mastery.
then, when it is time,
i will walk into the future with absolute freedom.
in this current chapter
im meeting a lot of beautiful people
falling in love with their stories
soaking in new information.
like reading. and researching. learning languages.
getting stronger.
learning how to listen better
paying closer attention to my self
to everything seemingly outside of my self.
and then..
in less than two months,
im off to california. or hawaii.
or wherever my intuition calls.
i have complete faith.
complete humility.
complete surrender.
but a strong will.
a new chapter begins.
more people to meet.
things to do.
more growth.
more mastery.
more skills to accumulate.
and most importantly,
more love to share.
…
Ive been implementing a lot of discipline
and with each step
i find space for more
in ending meditation yesterday
i thought of the qualities that facilitate awakening
i began to list them:
discipline
devotion
dignity
determination
discernment
detachment
divinity
perhaps there were a few more,
but I was surprise to see that
all of these qualities began with the “di” prefix sound
and of course there are qualities I could add that don’t begin with that sound
and negative ones I could add like “divide” or “demon”
but I found this pattern interesting
and when i ended the list with “divinity”,
I thought, hmmm, seems to be all these point to the divine;
they’re all qualities of divinity
and I thought of the latin word for god “dues” or spanish “dios”
the latin roots of de- and di- mean from and two respectively
and it seems like a lot of these qualities are helping us to be free “from” something
or differentiate between “two” things; to see clearly
annnyyyways just fun to think about.
so, I’ll be writing more often.
more words and thoughts spilled onto this page.
I’ll talk to you soon :)
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wednesday october 16th 8:35pm
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much love <3 dream extreme!
- kat
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