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some tangled thoughts.



And it's, it's just we get so messy,

it's not that we are doing lots of wrong things

Our mind is so messy

We don't keep it simple

And we end up making the life that we are living, so in-ordinarily complicated Completely unnecessarily, and it's such a shame to end up feeling, in a real muddle

When actually, you ought to be having the time of your lives


It doesn't actually take very much to make the deepest part of us incredibly happy You know? Just to be here, just to appreciate

Appreciate being here

To feel that you're alive

To be in touch with your heart

That's it

That's it


The challenge to be part of this happens breifly.

The invitation is not to show how inventive or imaginative you are,

But how much you can noticed what you already are.


-Mt. Wolf (Burgs)


.


i am listening to the most beautiful music

really enjoying my food

learning how to take care of plants

skating down long windy roads

watching my thoughts

feeling my experience deeply

increasing my sensitivity


i am s l o w i n g down.


what i’m doing doesn’t matter,

so much as how i’m doing it.


am i pouring love into all i do?

is there resentment or resistance?


.


to remind myself to return to love

when i feel lost or judgmental or uncomfortable


how do you slow down?

how do you return to presence?

return to loving awareness?


- sunday may 17 2020



...


as i laid in bed last night i did a spoken meditation

and the thought/feeling overwhelmed me that

“this is my life”

like feeling the potency of that so deeply.


how do i want to show up


this life is literally all i know.


it’s so familiar yet so bizarre


this is all there is… to me


yet i feel like there’s more


but since this is my life

it is completely my responsibility to show up for myself.


to make it an enjoyable one.


to make it meaningful.


i can do anything.

i can be anyone.


i am not someone separate from me.

i am fully me.

i integrate all parts of me into love.

and i am devoted to intimacy with myself.

i love me.


- wednesday may 20 2020


...



deep presence.


i am in my creative flow.


creating music.

singing

art

ideas

decorating my house.


my external purpose will matter

only so long the internal purpose is not fulfilled


I feel like I waste a lot of time

.


"love and serve the presence of creation with all your heart, soul, and mind

and love yourself. and love your neighbor."


so eternal gratefulness and devotion and openness to the all power force that is existence and reality. that which is one


and to fully love. fully. every single aspect of the divine manifested


trust. faith...


freedom lies in the absence of any judgement.


to experience the absolute, there cannot be anything to see, hear, or feel.

because with every seeing or hearing or feeling comes an association. an identification. an interpretation. even in becoming one with the object you are sensing, you then become “that thing” and identify with that thing.


i suppose there can be no label, when it is absolutely nothing. or everything.

or both. or neither.


i still do a lot of low consciousness things

im not trying to be hard on myself.

i'm just factually noticing where i'm lacking.

I see how much i've grown;

I see that pit of illusion i'm crawling out of.


yet... how do i “fix” these things

how do i let go of the things weighing me down?


how can i be absolutely free…?


it actually does seem like there’s a pressure on self-realization..


what is the answer?

love?


the answer is love.


and ill understand it all if i continue expanding..

.


does love have a quality?


it seems to exist in everything


and when we feel numb.


its not that love wasn’t there


but you were too resistant to let yourself experience it


.

.

it’s terribly depressing

the fact that we die.

a man spends his whole life

trying to make a living for himself

only for all he’s experienced and created to turn to dust

as he falls to the same fate


perhaps meaning is found only because nothing lasts

if all was eternal and abundant, it would be far less precious


i still do not understand,


where all is infinite

or all is transient


either way i do not understand


so that’s why i can only remain in my faith

because my human mind cannot fathom the possibility of truth.


even as i try to find truth...

i am using the mind to get there..

to get somewhere


im told i need go nowhere

but.. if thats true, i think, then where is it?


I guess we're all on a road to no where.


gandhi said... everything you will do it your life will be completely meaningless.

but it is very important that you do it.



the purpose of life is to be a human

nothing more nothing less

fully human.

to have a human experience.


there's nothing to "get"

nowhere to "go"




- wednesday may 20 2020


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