the night before last i had a dream that i died.
and i watched myself die from outside of my body
and the event was insignificant.
a tree fell
and i was unfortunately standing in it’s shadow
i was crushed
i barely batted an eye
i simply noticed
i watched the tree fall
and then i went along with my day.
it wasn’t until my body was found
and others proclaimed it a tragedy and a problem
that i was reintegrated with my body
to find that i hadn’t fully died
but i was on the edge
and there was no returning to this body
i was too far gone
i was overcome by panic
overwhelmed by excruciating pain
i kept telling myself to let go
to surrender
to give in
but i kept fighting
a woman stood over me
syringe in hand
trying to sedate me
only providing seconds of relief
before the pain returned
and then with each injection
the woman was actually sending me into greater and greater suffering
although i was screaming in pain
and i kept telling myself,
its okay, give in,
its okay. let go.
but i continued to hold on
and then it all went black.
perhaps the pain had been to great and i had passed out
or perhaps i had listened and let go
or maybe biology took over and let go for me
either way it was all dark
all nothing
and then i woke up
...
saturday may 16 2020
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