she left me.
and now, my weaknesses feel amplified.
but subtly,
she shaped me toward higher health.
food cannot fill me.
i have no desire for distraction.
i have a lot of space and freedom of time
the next few days…
i will exhaust my physical body.
so my mind can be clear.
meditation. breath work.
i will keep my space clean.
my body clean.
and my mind clean.
she is a subtle woman.
i must listen closely
to her lingering whispers.
the internal dialogue is the biggest distraction of all.
the tension is so intense.
by feeling the whole mind. it subsides.
i resume activity, and it sinisterly returns.
in that space, i witness
and am aware that
nothing is threatening.
In meditation today, I identified areas that cause me to lose clarity; the ways I react to certain stimuli. And how can I combat these areas, to become more powerful?
1. Victimhood
2. Resistance
3. Tension
4. Stories
5. Distraction
I recalled that in the past when I used the headspace app for guided meditations, the guide introduced the tool of “noting.” So, in meditation when our minds would wander to a certain area, we would “note” the area, and that awareness and categorization would allow us to return to space and clarity. Or at least that’s what I’m utilizing for myself now.
So, during meditation, or throughout any part of my day, I’ve been noting when my mind wanders and distracts me from the present moment awareness. All five of these reactions listed above definitely have a lot of overlap with each other, but I still like to separate them, so I can have some distinction of how to respond when one arises with different approaches.
1. Victimhood
Quality: Feeling sorry for myself/situation. “why me? things are happening to me and I can only sit here and feel weak and helpless.” Comparison to others is also a big factor here.
Response: Shift from fear to power. Get angry. Grasp control. Fight, but from a place of love and power, not fear and force.
2. Resistance
Quality: Usually occurs when something is annoying me. Like my dog or family. Or myself. Other people, various situations, activities, and environments - Could be anything. Usually causes a sharp spike of physical and mental tension.
Response: Don’t let something external take your power!!! It is all you. You must accept your reality. Once you accept, you can do nothing; or remove yourself or remove the object of resistance.
3. Tension
Quality: Tension is the negative physical result of any of these 5 reactions. It subtly drains your energy and power. It has a cancerous effect on the body, mind, and perception. Muscles are tense, and the brain feels constricted.
Response: Shift from contraction to expansion. Feel the whole body. Feel the whole mind. Let go completely. Stop doing. Take pause and simply be. Listen to sounds. Feel sensations. Direct experience through the senses.
4. Stories
Quality: Stories are an outlier because we don’t always perceive them as negative.
The stories also don’t always cause tension. But stories are any way the mind drifts away from the now. It’s a sneaky distraction. The mind narrates past or future events. This can sometimes be helpful in learning past lessons or planning
future intentions, but most of the time the stories are pointless and merely a
distraction and waste of time, energy, and mental space. Further, if we attach emotionally to our stories, that's a whole other mess. In this exercise, I know that all my stories are illusions of the mind, they are only thought, and I must let go.
Response: Simply note that you have become lost in a story and return to the now. The more you catch yourself, the easier it will be to catch yourself, and not
wander into stories very far, if at all, in the future.
5. Distraction
Quality: All of the above are elements of distraction; however, there are many
other things that are distracting that do not fit into an above category as explicitly.
So “distraction” is the catch-all for anything else distracting. When we want to
simply note that we are distracted without specifying a category, we note
“distraction.” Distractions can be other people, ways we spend our time, objects in
our physical space, addictions, bad habits, any element of our body or thoughts,
health, relationships to others, and countless more. Distractions can also be things
that we are not doing. For example: not exercising is a distraction because if I
don’t get my heartrate up, I tend to not be as mentally and physically clear that
day.
Response: Simply note “distraction.” I am continuously on a quest to eliminate all
distraction, so I can gain increasing clarity. And as my clarity and awareness
increases, I become aware of more distractions. The journey is one of cleaning up
and refining my human experience, so I create the space for elements that only
serve, not harm. As I clear away the clutter and gunk of distractions, I now have
space for good habits, creativity, meaningful deep relationships, etc.
This is the shift from force to power. From fear to love. How can I function more effectively, with more efficiency? How can I unlearn all that harms and learn all that nourishes? It’s an endless journey, but the joy is in each step.
...
tuesday, october 22nd, 2019
...
much love <3
dream extreme!
- kat
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