california.
back home.
to my space.
to my self.
to eternal sunshine.
bicycle rides.
long roads and skateboards.
fleets of green birds.
to running through the hills
and along the shoreline
to getting lost in books
in the comfiest couch
to nights spent
with my bedroom window open
so i can feel the breeze
and hear the crickets sing
to sneaking off to the ocean
burying my feet and hands in the sand
so that the waves can soothe my soul
here’s to coming home.
yet again.
in this endless cycle of death and rebirth.
may i take all the lessons gifted to me by the darkness
and shape them into art
translate them into song
use them as blocks to build something great
something others can look at and say
“hey, that looks like me”
in my return.
may i nourish my body with good food.
may i move my body with grace and joy.
may i never forget the power of discipline.
paired with the power of flow.
and sensitivity.
never forget the power of presence.
the power of love.
may i paint
and draw
may i write
and speak
and sing
and film
and share
and connect
may i practice
and meditate
and listen
and pray
and feel
may i create
and create
and create
may i read
and ponder
and reflect
may i spent time with my feet on the dirt
and my face in the sun
may my faith never waver
my i live with integrity
with honesty
with dignity
with freedom
with humility
with grace
power
love love love
may my healing hands hold this hurting earth
and breathe new life into it’s lungs
may my voice be a reminder
and my presence a reflection
of the radiant divinity within each precious life
“here i am, send me”
...
saturday may 9 2020
quarantine day 54
training day 38
im scared.
im scared of going back to california.
but it is my only choice.
and i go completely willing.
because it holds promises of freedom.
here, i will only get worse. it seems.
but im scared.
im not scared of leaving here
im scared of still disappointing myself.
of not following through.
of always half-assing it.
i’ve never been able to do it…
ive never been able to go all the way.
am i not enough reason to do it?
is life itself not enough reason?
what is my why then…
spirit, i trust you.
if you are the only thing that matters i must learn to see that clearly
not fall into temptation
or i will keep living the same life. over and over and over..
dying again and again and agin
until i learn.
and im okay with dying.
but not with each rebirth being the same.
because im not learning.
i feel like bob.
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