it is cold
that kind of cold where your very bones seem to shiver
that cold that no matter what
you cant get warm
you could set me on fire
and i’d still be cold
...
wednesday may 6 2020
quarantine day 51
training day 35
...
maybe that was a deep metaphor
but literally
physically
i am so damn cold right now.
and it sucks.
i absolutely hate being cold
more than most things
the cold makes me feel stagnant
and frozen and helpless
and like i want to curl up into an infinitely small ball and disappear
hibernate until spring comes
except spring has arrived
and the cold still remains
perhaps only a change in location
will make me warm again
the air is stale here
i made it that way
…
bring me back to life
remind this heart how to burn
so that i am thawed from the inside out
...
i see through tired, dull eyes
a world so gray
so worn
my dreams eerily point me toward a city made of glass
where light refracts into countless brilliant colors
flooding the streets with vibrancy
how do i go there?
...
thursday may 7 2020
quarantine day 52
training day 36
Some spiritual teaching state that all pain is ultimately an illusion, and this is true. The question is: Is it true for you? A mere belief does not make it true. Do you want to experience pain for the rest of your life and keep saying that it is an illusion? Does that free you from the pain? What we are concerned with here is how you can realize this truth - that is, make it real in your own experience.
...
it was so good talking to tommy this morning.
so good to hear an outsider’s view.
it’s been so good rereading the power of now.
i need to be reminded and reconnect to those simple lessons.
my problem?
thinking.
identification with the egoic mind.
my head hurts.
i feel unhealthy.
i feel antsy.
i feel unproductive.
unaccomplished.
i'm still hurting.
advil.
discipline.
patience.
movement.
clarity.
action.
time.
i already know the answers.
yet why don’t i help myself?
...
all yours,
kat :-)
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