tonight i cant walk downstairs
to find audrey sitting by the fireplace
as we share an empathetic smile
and fill mugs with herbal tea
sinking into the warmth
talking about the dreamy things that one only talks about at 3am
and enjoying the silence
until the sand man calls us back to sleep
tonight i sit with myself
and that’s good too
there’s something magical about three in the morning
it’s around this time when i accept that i won’t be sleeping tonight
this happens once a month it seems
it used to be an almost nightly occurrence
used to be a source of such frustration and anxiety
but now… it’s a kind of magic that visits
and says
“hey, stay up with me tonight.
let’s light all your candles
and cook some warm food
let’s read some lovely words
listen to beautiful music
and write from those sparkling corners of your mind
let’s reflect on memories
and dream about the future
let’s feel deeply into this life
perhaps we’ll go on a walk
for that cold fresh air
and check in on the stars
just to make sure they’re still there.
let’s cry because of all the injustice and cruelty
let’s cry because of all the compassion and kindness
maybe take a warm shower,
but sitting down.
arms wrapped around your legs
forehead resting on your knees
just letting the water pour over you.
let’s appreciate how cute you are… just trying to be a good human
just trying to make sense of it all
let’s appreciate your light and your shadow
let’s close our eyes and just breathe
and breathe and breathe.”
...
3am opens up this secret little world.
i assume the whole neighborhood is sleeping
it even seems like the whole world is.
i imagine it that way,
as if the planet weren’t a sphere.
all is quiet
and still
and i get to dance in that silence
miles of ground cleared away just for me
the dark ceiling becomes a canvas
to swirling sporadic pattern and color and shape
...a peephole into heaven
after 3am, there’s no time
it’s just pure creation
pure happening
pure expression
pure being
pure beauty.
pure me.
...
5.7.20
3am
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